My 5 Selfish New Year's Resolutions
1. Saying “No” More
Hi, I’m Jules, and I’m a recovering people-pleaser. Admitting it is the first step to recovery. The second step is saying “no.”
I HATE saying “no” to people (and being told “no”). Guilt, guilt, guilt! I want people to like me, and I can’t stand the thought of letting someone down when I may be able to help.
The funniest part? In my job as a nonprofit fundraiser, I’m told “no” all the time. And it doesn’t phase me. And I know people feel guilt saying no to giving to charity too. In that context, I’m completely comfortable and know a “no” isn’t personal. So I know I’m capable of handling “no”….
But if I have to say “no” to someone I interact with closely like a friend, family member, colleague on my team, I care about the relationship and will do everything I can to not say “no.”
But I need to say “no” more so I can regain balance in my life.
I’ve always been the kind of person who can make the most out of my time. I’ve always strived to be the hare, not the turtle. But now I want to be a turtle.
2023 will be about regaining control over my most valued resource: my time. And to do that, I’m going to have to be thoughtful in choosing what goes on my to-do list when I can help it.
2. Spend that Money, baby!
I truly believe the saying, “Quality over quantity.” I also know quality can be expensive. But I know it’s worth it to buy something that will last versus buying lesser quality more often because it breaks.
But I feel guilty spending for quality on myself. Even though I know it will save me money in the long run and I’ll be happier.
So there’s that g-word again: guilt. Ugh. Add it to the list to talk about with my therapist.
Maybe there’s a part of me that worries it’ll be wasted. An expensive lesson to learn. I need to be okay with taking that risk because the positive consequence could make it totally worth it.
Right now for me, this is getting my eyebrows micro-bladed. I’ve wanted to do it for years, but it’s not cheap. On the other hand, I don’t like how I fill in my eyebrows. Symmetry is so hard!
Okay, booking now. Will report back.
3. Mastering My Own Pedicures
Confession time: I’ve battled toe fungus twice in my life. And it’s the worst.
Each time, it takes years to get my toenails back to sandal-approved status. It’s embarrassing, and it limits the outfits I can wear. I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to wear open-toe shoes but didn’t feel comfortable doing so and chose a different outfit. It’s hard to get excited about summer when you feel like you always have to wear sneakers.
I’m happy to report (as I knock on wood) that my toes are just a few months away from being back to normal! Just in time for warmer months. And one thing I will not be doing ever again is getting a pedicure from a salon. It’s not worth the risk.
So it’s time to get the right tools, learn how to maintain them, and do it all myself. Like I said before, symmetry is not easy for me, so it will take a lot of practice and a bit of an investment. I’ll link below what I’m starting with!
4. Hire More Help
I’ll be the first to admit I can’t do it all. But it feels like I need to.
There’s a lot it feels like I’m supposed to know how to do. But I don’t know where to start.
Now, I could spend the time figuring it out - and I’m happy to do that with some things. But I can’t do it with everything.
It’s time for the professionals. Some things in life need professionals (like tax professionals…don’t even get me started on why those are so hard and stressful. I don’t trust myself to know how to do those without a professional.).
Am I hiring 10 people this year? No. But maybe 2-3, so it’s a bit of an investment. Hiring help also doesn’t have to be an ongoing cost. Sometimes you just need help during certain seasons.
Plus, you’re supporting another person directly versus shopping, which always makes me feel good when spending the money. It feels different than buying a new appliance, for example.
Here are some ideas of people you could hire:
Tax professional
Financial advisor
House cleaner/keeper
Home chef (You can hire people to cook meals and bring them to you. I used to think personal chefs were only full-time/live-in chefs….)
Virtual assistant
Child caretaker/nanny
Handy-person (Having a good contractor and painter you trust were two of the best things to come out of 2022 for us. Plus, they’ve saved us money, not to mention our relationship :P)
Pet care
Esthetician
5. Cause Trouble
I want this to be my mantra for 2023. As a recovering people-pleaser, the idea of choosing trouble feels rebellious.
I always feel torn between two:
Enjoying traditions while also always wanting to try things in new ways,
Wanting to make everyone happy while also trying to be realistic that it’s not possible.
Trying to fit in while also not wanting to look like everyone else.
Causing trouble allows me permission to break free.
Should I need permission? No. But this rule-follower enjoys a chance to break rules.
